A lot of times I say the phrase ” i dont know how to say what i mean”. And I looked at this picture and thought that it was exactly a time when I have thought that I didn’t know how to put into words how I felt. We all sin. WE ALL SIN. It’s hard to grasp that as a 20-something girl seeking God, working hard at my job, and trying to be the best form of myself. I have felt this once if not a billion times “why did I do that” or “what was I thinking at the time”? If I look back at my life and look at the times I was legitimately doing some “dirty sin” [ even though a sin is a sin] my heart and my head weren’t connected. My heart was indeed NOT SATISFIED. And my head was in the present. I know my mother is probably thinking [ oh my lord, tell me my child has no bad bad sin] but everyone has something. I know one of my close friends and I share every little scenario in our lives. Knowing that, she knows when I am SEEKING happiness instead of SEEKING God, I sin. Personally, I hate the word SIN. Sin is defined as an immoral act considered to be a transgression against divine law. But regardless, I hate the word and would like to switch that to say bad decision, be real every “sin” is a bad decision. Next, we have the fake idealization of what we think is going to make us “happy”. I know myself I have thought if a man opens the doors, has a nice car, clean nice POLOS, a great job, and still likes me then THAT.EQUALS.HAPPY. Only to find the ones who have a job and a car and cool shoes, often have an abundance of bad decisions they are constantly seeking satisfaction from as well. Now I am not saying there aren’t some guys that have those things and are wonderful men. Just go with me, I had a false idea of what “happiness” and “satisfaction” was to me. Why? Because I have always had a hard time just being content in myself. I have lived years seeking that something that will fill that spot THEEEEEEEN I will be satisfied. If I can just get THIS education or THIS job or THIS boyfriend. People, let me tell you that is NOT NOT NOT what it is about.
If there is one thing I have learned this week so far it is that that idea in our heads of how everything will be – that’s not the way it will be. I will not marry a red headed, rich, jesus loving, truck driving, beautiful man with NO problems, NO past, NO “bad decisions”. GET REAL, Sara. So, I will leave you with this.. Do right. Pursue God, and find your self desiring him and his will. Don’t question the things and people that come into your life. Surround yourself with good people. Everyone has their ugly, if you will. Some peoples ugly is more apparent.. a child, arrest, divorce, addiction, whatever. Some peoples ugly is as miniscule as cussing, drank a beer, you get my point. So when you are seeking happiness, or seeking that part of YOU that you are missing, turn to HIM. Sinning becomes addicting, and leaves you questioning why you don’t feel the way you thought you would which results in more action and less seeking the proper satisfaction.
That’s all peeps. As some of you know i absolutely DESPISE Thursdays. But, today has been a pretty decent one. Tonight I am going to Joyce Meyer with my best and my mother. So glad for these two!