So, I will be honest I had a huge post typed and was going to hit publish but I watched some of the movie “seasons of gray” online. Which is my boss’ son’s movie. And it really had me thinking about one of my favorite things in the bible “for everything there is a season”. I am not in a season of struggle, or unhappiness currently. But we must appreciate each season in our life.
I think looking back at your past and seeing seasons of hate, learning, acceptance, I could go on all day.. It wasn’t being in the season that taught you anything; yet reflecting back on the lesson you learned or the growth you made is what it is all about. I have moved a lot my entire life, which i hated entirely. I say I hated it entirely; until I look at the season I was in when I hated moving, when I hated everything. In the hard years that I say I was in a season of hate – I can look back and acknowledge the true work of God saving me from a lot of things. God didn’t make the decision for my parents to move me in high school, they did. I never understood, I never accepted, and I sure didn’t value or appreciate the season I was in. However, I know that it was a part of my life which helped me get to where I am now. From those hard times of moving, my brother moving out of the house, parental drama, ect.. I learned that NOW I can move to any town or any country and rest knowing I can accept the unknown because I have moved so much in the past. I learned that communication is key. My brother and I have always had a very weird but very close relationship. NOW I am thankful that I can be around him, even on the good and bad days. I learned to love really hard. At the time I thought I knew what love was, and that it was something my parents never knew. NOW, after 36 years of marriage, and living with them for 20something years of my life – I understand that they do love and have learned to accept that no love is given or received in the same way. What I mean by that is that the way 1 person shows love can be completely and totally misinterpreted. I can look at those days and I was naive, and didn’t understand. Now, I understand that I was the reason they didn’t know how to love me in a way I accepted. My behavior was never something I factored into the way THEY acted. I could have never raised me OR my brother. Lastly, I appreciate the “unknown”, because now I am completely open to new places and new things.
One of my hardest seasons in my life was about a year ago.. When I was taught to be patient. I am not by any means patient.. But as a senior in college, I applied to graduate school. My professors made it very clear that I would have no trouble getting in, and as the president of speech-path I was a shoe-in. Well of course, I didn’t get in and I was DEVASTATED. It was the ultimate season of sad, angry, everything bad and impatient that I could be. I thought my family thought I should have had a higher GPA, and my friends didn’t know how hard it was for me to deal with at the time. This was without a doubt my “rock bottom” in my opinion. But I can honestly and easily say that I am thankful for that opportunity to be let down. I am thankful for the things I have encountered since that day. I have worked with the most awful yet amazing inner city kids, and lived a year in the season of helping. I currently am learning so much about life, growing up, and I am surrounded by the BEST people at my work. I learned to fully let GOD make something out of my “mess”. I no longer see myself as not good enough, not smart enough, not ________ enough..
Don’t get it twisted, I am not where I want to be YET.. But I rest in knowing that I had to go through that season and live a true heartache in order to get to 100% reliance on God. The bible doesn’t say the most educated go to heaven. The bible doesn’t say you’ll be happy if you have lots of $$, or nice things. God says DO good for me and trust me. And though that is a daily choice for all of us; I know that I love where I am. I know that God is going to give me opportunities the rest of my life to DO for him.
Be thankful for the season of disappointment, restless, hate, whatever.. Because someday those days will be preparation for the next season. Be thankful for the good days as well..