There are times in my life I can look back and see that God fulfilled promises. And that is great. But until today, I didn’t realize how much our lives really are within HIS plan. Two years ago this month I found out I would not be getting into speech pathology graduate school. I remember like it was yesterday how devastated I was. I remember it was spring break… I didn’t go anywhere for the break because I knew my letter would be coming in the mail, and I would want to celebrate with my family. Little did I know, when I checked the mail my whole future had just changed. I remember crying for the first time in a long time, for 4 hours straight. I drove to my parents lake house, my entire family was there. It was one of those moments similar to when you were a child and you didn’t cry when you got hurt until your mom got there. I sat in a lawn chair in the garage and drank beer with my dad for as long I could. No one made it feel better, I was angry. I was angry at God, at the new chair of the department, at my professors, at my classmates, everyone.
The next two years, they didn’t get better. I grew more and more angry with people. I didn’t apply to any graduate programs the following year. I did however learn what it is like to work for a living. My health went down the drain.. Literally, I even had an organ taken out! SO things were pretty ugly. I hated my job. I hated being poor. I hated that what I wanted to do for a living was out of reach. So the second application period comes around and I am set on applying again. Before I applied I had a professor explain to me that given a certain situation, it was best that I moved on.
At this point I felt a lot of ugly things. But somehow, I picked up my faith just a teeeny little bit. I sincerely have prayed for a month straight for a solution. I applied for jobs I didn’t want. I looked into graduate programs that seemed so irrelevant to my life.
The moral of the story is.. God’s timing and mine are like day and night. I have been so bitter for the past 2 years about something that had to happen in order for me to get to where I am going. If I had known that day in the garage crying like crazy that good things were truly coming but I need to be patient, I still wouldn’t have believed it.
Nonbelievers, pagans, whatever you are… you may read this and think what I believe in is bogus. And that is fine. By all means, serve who and what you want. However, I would much rather chalk these things up to a higher power and live my life serving one than have to rely on myself and try to take credit for something I could never do on my own.