20-somethings version of life..

Long live the heart that knows what it wants..

"Freedom is not only referring to a *free body* itself, but as a free soul, heart, conscience and body"         -Ryan Denner:

I haven’t written in my free time in almost a year.. Hell I haven’t had free time in almost a year. I can’t believe its 2016, so much so that I still write 2015.

I have learned more in the last year than I probably want to acknowledge, but it’s nice to know each year I can reflect and I am headed further in the right direction each time I reflect.

This is what 2015 taught me..

Relationships change, and that just is what it is.
It’s okay to like something- even if its Justin Bieber’s new cd.
Being happy, truly happy, matters a lot.
You cannot expect anything from anyone; humans are humans.
Compromise is important, but above all communication is key.
Love can be ugly, but that’s exactly why its love *for good or bad.
Family changes, and that sucks.
Saying what you mean and meaning what you say are A LOT.
The thought of not being an attorney someday makes me sick to my stomach.
Getting dental work done is stressful, but 3 times a day it’s worth it.
Trust is hard to regain, and better never lost.
Grace is hard. It’s not pretty but it must be given unconditionally.
I love my job. I love elders and have found my purpose.
Health is important, and a diagnosis is only words on paper and its sometimes wrong. What you do about it is all that matters.
I hate unloading the dishwasher.
Deciphering what I have been taught to believe and what I believe is a sometimes hard.
Best friends – no matter how far away- are SO vital.
I’ve learned to be who I needed when I was younger, in many ways.
I need sleep to function, and making it a priority is better for everyone.
I often think I know everything, and I don’t.
A happy home life, is a successful and more focus work life.
Criminal law makes my skin crawl as a profession but its great for tv.
The LSAT also makes my skin crawl.

It may be into 2017 before I have a chance to sit down and evaluate my life again. But that is okay too.



Please hear me girl – The world has enough women who know how to do their hair. It needs women who know how to do hard and holy things. Ann VosKamp

"The secret to life is to put yourself in the right lighting. For some it’s a Broadway spotlight, for others, a lamplit desk."Susan Cain

Lately, I have had some incredible run-ins (if you will) with women. I have the best friends a girl could ask for but I determined that there are certain things about a woman that makes me appreciate her.

She says blouse instead of shirt.
She mothers her children, above her work.
She can read between the lines and is intelligent where it  matters most.
She can appreciate a good handbag.
She can sense urgency without having to be told.
She does nothing out of spite.
She is passionate about what she does, and what she stands for.
She knows her worth, and doesn’t ask for attention.
She knows the difference between good and well.
She knows when enough is enough.
She respects herself as well as other women, and behaves accordingly.

I was lucky enough to be raised by a perfect example of what a “woman” should be. Whether it’s who I should be to my someday husband or to my family or friends. This may seem like a “what the hell is she talking about” blog but I think it’s quite alright to appreciate the little things. For those women, I am thankful.


I hate that Kanye is even a part of the song that’s been in my head for days. I am not even certain what “wildin” means and I am almost certain that I don’t do it. But if I am going to be stuck inside any longer I just might…

On the other side…

I love Florence + The Machine as of lately.. This girl had a mental break down kinda situation and as a result of that she has made some hella good music. She is kind of artsy and weird – but this video is talent. It’s not a truffle butter, but I will warn you girl is naked in this video.


Literally the best.

” The best thing you could possibly do for yourself is simplify your world, and learn to love yourself; even if that means creating boundaries and making decisions that only feel best for you.”

One of my doctors said this to me at our last checkup…. This guy really could double for a therapist, which is really nice. But he is my regular md. and he is so so wise. When he said this to me- it didn’t really make sense?

Basically I had to reorganize his “advice” for it to make sense….

– simplify your world
-learn to love yourself
-create boundaries
-Make decisions based on what I feel

I did just this. I started simplifying as much as I could. I spent time with myself to see if I even liked myself. This sounds so strange, but for some people focusing on just themselves is really uncomfortable. It was for me for a long long time. I started slowly but I have created boundaries with people and things that stress me out. Some of these are really not easy for me to maintain – but it’s already helping. Lastly, I have tried to make 100% of the decisions I make in MY own best interest.

Try it. I feel like even in the past 5 weeks – – these things have happened just from a few tiny changes..

+I have been more focused and successful at work.
+I really look forward to and enjoy – ME time.
+I am excited about the future for the first time in a long time.
+More rational and realistic in my needs.
+I feel better. Things that used to make me stressed have a bit less impact on how I feel.

A lot of times in our elder planning meetings we discuss “good kind of selfish” and at 26 it was time I figured out what that meant. When a plane is crashing, do you help your loved ones  by putting on their mask first? If you care about them – you hurry and put yours on first so you can breathe while you help them put theirs on.

Makes sense.

AND now I am going to walk my dog in this weather. booyah.


I have been working a little this afternoon trying to compartmentalize the wealth of knowledge I attained in LA. I don’t think I have ever had a more inspirational work seminar. Attorneys, a lot of them, consider themselves Gods gift to humans – some almost as bad as doctors. But like everything else in the world there are good and there are bad. The presenter has been an attorney for 30+ years, and that was the least of his attributes. I really can appreciate a great speaker.

While on this trip I started and finished “Wild” by Cheryl Strayed. I had recently seen the movie and the book was much better as always – but it was also very applicable and almost supplemental to the seminar I was attending.

I am certain as I venture through the materials I brought home and reflect on what I have learned – I will have plenty of lists coming in the future….

1. You will never know the life you didn’t choose.

2. Things that are irrevocable – are just that.

3. You have a choice for every single thing you do. Your life is only a compilation of your choices.

4. Start every single day with a positive affirmation. My motto has always been fake it till you make it – but I am learning that actually having a DAILY positive affirmation can really turn things around.

5. Your entire life is connected. Your health, wealth, career, priorities, friends, habits, hobbies…etc…

6. If you do things the same way you always have – you’ll always get the same result.

7. Sprinting towards the best version of yourself doesn’t mean you are accepting everything that has happened to you – it means you have learned to endure it.

8. You must train your mind to filter unnecessary thoughts.

9. Get a planner – and use it. Get organized on your time and prioritize how you use it.

10. Weigh indulgences – don’t eliminate them. Eat the macroon. Rewards regardless how large encourage growth.

Great to come across this at this point in time - "you don't have to explain what you plan to do with your life"

If you are in your twenties you’ve probably learned these lessons…

Cliff Jump - scared of heights and scared of deep water so this would be a huge feat

Your ex or best friend got married-
This is one of those things you never talk about because intentions might be misinterpreted but it’s weird. I remember when my first real boyfriend got married – I was SO happy for him and think his wife is a treasure- it’s still weird. Weird in a sense of instantly questioning if you should be married.

You lose a best friend or two-
One of my best friends from college and I don’t really talk nor do we still have sleepovers. Woof. Adult life sometimes separates people you once thought you’d always be able to hangout with.

Quitting something you love-
I think a lot of us in our 20’s have given up things we used to really enjoy doing whether that’s playing guitar, or reading.. Life is busy now. I have to remind myself to slow down sometimes so I can still do some of the things I did in college that I love.

A budget is a real thing-
All 3 salaries I have lived on I have made ends meet, but always had those months where I wondered why I had no money. A budget is a thing of the present and it’s SO worth the time. I not only have bills paid but i know where each dollar goes and that feels nice.

You are what you eat-
I used to eat poptarts and hot pockets with a week full of wine or beer in college and still fit in my jeans no questions asked. I worked out because it was fun in college. Now, I have learned I can’t eat chik fil a like its about to close and not be thick. Not to mention mental clarity at work eating crap 3 meals a day plus alcohol on the reg doesn’t produce good work. So, I indulge when it’s necessary but I realize the gym and I will always be in a long term relationship.

The one who doesn’t like you back-
Maybe I am the only one. But until my 25 I always dated guys I liked and they liked me back. But as an adult – dating is quite different. I can honestly say though it’s quite humbling to not be liked back.

You felt old for the first time-
In the past year I have started getting gray hair. I don’t even know how I feel about it. Not to mention a 401k, and whether or not some trends are too young for me to pull off…and few other weird things I thought only “adults” did. Welcome to adulthood.

20’s are fun. 20’s are teaching me a lot.

“Happy people sing”

Yep ... BEST office!!! :)))))

” I write because I don’t know what I think until I read what I say.” – Flannery O’Conner

One of my favorite quotes. One of my favorite because I feel the same way. I don’t know how I would make decisions or function really without being able to write.. and then read what I have written. Personally, I don’t think anyone who “writes” to write for others is really a writer. Even the Max Lucado’s of the world. I’d bet he learns something about himself or has some sort of personal growth every time he sits down and writes even if its for someone else.

Tonight I went to see the movie ‘Wild’ with Reese Witherspoon, based on the book written by Cheryl Strayed. I won’t give a full book club discush here but I will say I have not enjoyed a movie quite like this one in a while. Basically after a divorce and life and her mother dying girl decides to hike the pct trail… alone.

Since I am not a writer I am a list maker I will do just that including some random thoughts and quotes from the movie/book.

1. “I knew that if I allowed fear to overtake me, my journey was doomed. Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I choose to tell myself a different story from the one women are told. I decided I was safe. I was strong. I was brave. Nothing could vanquish me.”

2. Reese Witherspoon is genuinely beautiful. Throughout the movie she looked so normal and plain, often very dirty but beautiful.

3. A lot of my life starting from moving non stop growing up till college – I didn’t really know where I was going until I got there. Which is basically the purpose of Cheryl’s adventure – to learn who to be and how to be when she got to the end of her hike. So she could stop arriving.

4. “If there’s one thing I can teach you, it’s how to find your best self and when you do, hold on to it for dear life.”

5. I have some strange attachment to literature – and this movie tied in so many good authors Emily Dickinson, Flannery O’Conner and a few others…

6. I love the grit and the incessant desire to deal with her ugly – inside and out.

Okay, I am done. Now go watch this movie.

Vantage point

But who can say what's best? That's why you need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. My experience tells me that we get no more than two or three such chances in a life time, and if we let them go, we regret it for the rest of our lives.”  ― Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood



I heard an attorney recently talking about a person being successful when they can fully understand all options in a situation. And it really made me start thinking about having the ability to have intellectual empathy and ability to control my opinion regardless of someone elses. Then at lunch the same day I listened to Joyce Meyer debating and heard her say “how many people do you not agree with because they’re not what you want them to be?” Throughout the message she continued to ask questions to initiate a self assessment within the crowd – and it was a very good approach. I have listed some of her questions and some of my own.

  1. How many people do you not agree with because they’re not what you want them to be?
  2. Has anyone granted you the right to have an opinion about another person – really?
  3. Have you ever had to justify a rude action and answered “I just want the best for them”?
  4. Don’t we all base our opinions of someone or something based on our own perspective, priorities or position on it?
  5. Isn’t the only behavior we truly “know” are the behaviors we are doing or have done?
  6. Aren’t feelings and emotions ever changing?
  7. Does not wanting emotions make them go away – or wanting emotions make them come?
  8. Do you ever, like a child, look for approval regardless of what it is you are desiring approval of?

But who can say what’s best? That’s why you need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. My experience tells me that we get no more than two or three such chances in a life time, and if we let them go, we regret it for the rest of our lives.” ― Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

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