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everydaysara

I am still learning..


 

“I also speak Peace to you, for I know your anxious thoughts. Listen to Me! Tune out other voices, so that you can hear Me more clearly. I designed you to dwell in Peace all day, every day.”  ― Sarah Young, Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence

Good EVENING! Y’all I am coming to you with like 4 assignments left in my teaching program. HOLLA! I test on the 14th for my sped certification and if I pass I will be signing that teaching contract and start in JULY! Whoa. I can’t being to think in paragraphs so here is my traditional list.

  1. Real friendships don’t require maintenance. It’s nice to have a convo with your bff that you haven’t talked to in a few months and both are back to square one and realize life happens but friendship doesn’t change.
  2. My husband.. y’all. He went to the gas station for milk (I had a reaction so I was doped on benadryl and wasn’t leaving) and I asked him to get me something super yummy like sweet junk food. This man came home with a dark chocolate bar and ice cream. First of all, I do not eat ice cream. Secondly, I don’t like dark chocolate. We promptly had a conversation about how I fully expected some terrible gummy worms and reese’s and how he should know what I like to binge on. Third, I think maybe I should binge more so he will know what a girl likes?!
  3. Texas is hot as HELL, y’all. Like legit I saw 111 high on the window thermometer. What in the literal hell do y’all do in this heat? What do y’all wear in this kinda heat and how do you even wear makeup!? I won’t even mention forgetting deodorant is like a death sentence. I can barely deal in TX heat.
  4. Meal boxes. Let me begin by saying (which most of you know) I have a TON of food allergies. But I also have this severe hatred for the Kroger in Fort Worth. So, after searching for 3 hours one day for salmon (cuz a girl needs salmon) I was done. I signed up for a more allergy friendly box called sun basket. I got my order in on Monday (it literally weighed 60 lbs) and I just made one of the meals for lunch. Except I have found a problem. I order the meals and then I look at the recipes and Im like oh hell no I am not going to mix peas with stone fruit for a side. Matter of fact I can’t even eat peas so I am just going to eat that peach for breakfast. Long story short I have just been using the groceries with my own recipes. I am not sure that is the goal or whatever but I am pretty sure I am not going to keep getting it.
  5. Realtors. If you are one, great. But be a good one. I have wasted 7 months of our life paying mortgage payments on a house that wasn’t being sold. But the REAL problem was the anxiety that came with firing our realtor. I never thought I would freak out when I actually had to call and fire him. I was sweating and shakey. Why? Who even knows? But it went fine. He obviously didn’t get to counter b/c our contract was up so that was that. Our new realtor seems nice but when she sells our house she’ll be a gem. Tired tired of paying two mortgages y’all.
  6. 30 day challenge. W and I committed to doing 30 days without drinking. Aside from him cheating once on a coors on a work trip (who cheats with a coors light? fa real?) we DID it! I will tell you it’s the first time since I was young that I was sober for that many days straight. It was nice. Though I don’t know if thats accurate because I slept terrible (my anxiety is a beast) and I couldn’t settle at night. I was super productive during the day but I generally am so idk if that was a change or not. I kinda just wanted to know we could do it. The first two days I was kinda like oh this show would be more fun with wine but never was like I desperate for anything. We are both pretty hard headed and disciplined so it went by pretty fast. We even went to some bars while we were sober and didn’t drink! My “family” thought i was pregnant so that was annoying. I didn’t lose a single pound. I didn’t have some realization that I didn’t want alcohol ever again.
  7. Multiple. Multiple people have said the phrase to me “it’s snake season”…. like what? I used to work with this CPA and he said every day he goes home and posts up with a gun and shoots the copperheads in his back grass. Ever since then I am a little panicked when I walk the dog (in the middle of town) like where are you rattle snake trying to get at me?
  8. Gratitude turns what you have into enough. I am so thankful to be back in a better place. I am better mentally and physically that I have been in months. It’s so nice to have a night to myself and not be crying in the bathtub or looking at the clock at 6 am having been awake all night. My anxiety is still high but I am more grateful and more at peace with circumstances.

Y’all wish me luck. I am working to finish everything in my school before I leave for California next week. We are getting away for a few days and then when I come home I test for my special ed certification. Let’s pray I pass so I can go on and sign this teaching contract and life will be all good.

 

Last Friday W sent me this song.. y’all I was a mess. He is precious

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But I am tired…


I am good.
It’s only 3:15am I can keep going for 15 more minutes.
I’ll sleep in.
How did the changer get in the fridge?
Oh no the sun is up I guess I didn’t go to sleep..
…. I should sleep.

Y’all. I have been a crazy lady lately. I have some kind of self induced jet lag minus the jet. I am so close to finishing my school work so I have been a literal crazy lady working. When W is gone I don’t feel bad working 24/7 until I realize I stayed up past 4am 2 nights in a row. Once I finish I will have 1 more test and then I will have successfully changed my career (in 3 months) and accepted a job doing exactly what I thought I would always be doing.

We recently took 30 days off of drinking and it has been great. I haven’t been really sober  on purpose for 18 days in a long time; neither has W. We have both gained weight. I can’t really tell any physical difference. Last night I wanted a glass of wine because I worked so hard all day and Southern Charm was on TV. I didn’t have any so I didn’t but I look forward to 15 days from now when I can. This break was productive though, I realized I don’t need wine every single day. I don’t need 3 beers at the brewery. Also, drunk people really annoy me now.

TX is hot. I mean like hot as hell. We have a temp gauge on our window and it recently said 108.6 day high. The weather here is terrible…offensive. I am starting to tan a bit though. My skin always glistens because it’s typically wet. from. the. heat.

Lastly, espresso.

I am obsessed with espresso. It’s like I am addicted or something. We got a maker for Christmas and we tried it a few weeks ago and now I have it every morning. I never even drank coffee every morning and I am having a whole pot of espresso. I don’t need the “it’s not healthy” commentary. I have checked my heart rate (esp on days I have 2 pots :|) and I am fine. It’s a good thing I didn’t like or know about espresso in college though. Oh. boy. It’s delicious magic.

I will leave this here..

There’s a light I see but it’s far in the distance…


(inspiration around 0:50 – y’all this is a jam)

Sometimes I wonder if life gets easier or if we just get better at interpreting our circumstances…

Lately – I have been in one of those tough seasons of life where you look at the time and its 6:00AM and you haven’t gone to sleep yet. But I am learning so much about myself. I look back at the tough parts in the past and there was always something good that happened right after.. I know my light is coming and I am okay with the waiting. I knew what I signed up for in my marriage, in my move, in my career change and in all of it.

I don’t think life is supposed to be lived worrying about the bad, its supposed to be lived in the good seasons. There really isn’t much in life that hard work, good music, healthy diet and exercise can’t fix.

Recently I had 2 Sundays that I was SHOOK… like nights I prayed for hours and the next day I watched church that literally was answering my questions or addressing my concerns (like down to the exact verse). I swear y’all it’s easy to stay woke when God speaks that loud. I am so thankful for that. I love moments that ground me and make me realize how off track I have been but how close God is the entire time. We are never really alone – and though some people don’t get that and don’t believe that.. I know that for me. And that is all I need.

This weekend is a holiday weekend.. I will have Friday-Monday with W and thats the most I have had in a while. I look forward to it and hope it is exactly what we need. We are staying in Austin at a fancy hotel in hopes that we can both checkout and get a break that we both deserve.

I also miss my damn cat so bad. Last week W asked me if I wanted another, I said no. I want the one I had. I want to go and find him and bring him home.

xoxo.

 

Dear Texas…


Y’all. We have been in TX for 3 months! 90 days! Time sure does fly when you are having fun (or working hard) but whats the difference right?! W and I have had to adjust so many changes and I would do it again in a second. I knew going into this that it would push us closer together because we would be all we had and I was definitely right. We have been growing… and that’s the purpose. Things are much better than they were at “home”…

I am now in a book club and loving it.

I have more friends here than I did in AR in a matter of 3 months.

We realize we don’t have to fit the mold and have a baby right now. Double-income-no-kids is fun. Being old parents just makes us wiser – right?!

We love Austin and Fort Worth but we’d NEVER live in Dallas.

We don’t need 4 bedrooms to feel at home.

Wes gets free haircuts at a brewery every week.

Foods trucks are a weekly dinner.

I have been going to school since March 4th and I am so close to an exciting new adventure.

Things are different, but the good kind of different.

 

 

Jams.


Life is so much more enjoyable with tunes like these…

 

 

Welcome to Texas, girl!


I haven’t been on here in so long. But my whole life has changed in a matter of two weeks. Really my entire year has been a whirlwind. Good – nonetheless. I had my 1st anniversary, we moved into our favorite house and naturally I had our whole lives planned out for the next 5 years in Arkansas.

Typical – but circumstances changed and prayers were definitely answered. As a result, our house is for sale and here I sit in a two bedroom apartment in Fort Worth wondering what we have gotten ourselves into.

I started a job a week after we got here. I don’t love it but it’s a job. Wes is thrilled to be working where he is and we are SO fortunate to have the opportunity for him. He is working like a dog and never been happier. I am really proud of him. I have watched him grow a LOT over the past 3 years.

The alone time has been so healthy for me (now that I have adjusted a day or three) and I am starting to find my “old” not so busy self. I have spent a lot of time with Oswalt Chambers, good music and a lot of silent mornings with long walks but I know the best life is coming. I think 2018 will be our best year.

Things I have found to be true in TX…

Grocery stores are much nicer
Food is incredible
Spin class is pricey
Everyone is nice
Everyone wears cowboy boots
Everyone loves craft beer
Valet trash is a thing

 

Long live the heart that knows what it wants..


"Freedom is not only referring to a *free body* itself, but as a free soul, heart, conscience and body"         -Ryan Denner:

I haven’t written in my free time in almost a year.. Hell I haven’t had free time in almost a year. I can’t believe its 2016, so much so that I still write 2015.

I have learned more in the last year than I probably want to acknowledge, but it’s nice to know each year I can reflect and I am headed further in the right direction each time I reflect.

This is what 2015 taught me..

Relationships change, and that just is what it is.
It’s okay to like something- even if its Justin Bieber’s new cd.
Being happy, truly happy, matters a lot.
You cannot expect anything from anyone; humans are humans.
Compromise is important, but above all communication is key.
Love can be ugly, but that’s exactly why its love *for good or bad.
Family changes, and that sucks.
Saying what you mean and meaning what you say are A LOT.
The thought of not being an attorney someday makes me sick to my stomach.
Getting dental work done is stressful, but 3 times a day it’s worth it.
Trust is hard to regain, and better never lost.
Grace is hard. It’s not pretty but it must be given unconditionally.
I love my job. I love elders and have found my purpose.
Health is important, and a diagnosis is only words on paper and its sometimes wrong. What you do about it is all that matters.
I hate unloading the dishwasher.
Deciphering what I have been taught to believe and what I believe is a sometimes hard.
Best friends – no matter how far away- are SO vital.
I’ve learned to be who I needed when I was younger, in many ways.
I need sleep to function, and making it a priority is better for everyone.
I often think I know everything, and I don’t.
A happy home life, is a successful and more focus work life.
Criminal law makes my skin crawl as a profession but its great for tv.
The LSAT also makes my skin crawl.

It may be into 2017 before I have a chance to sit down and evaluate my life again. But that is okay too.

 

Please hear me girl – The world has enough women who know how to do their hair. It needs women who know how to do hard and holy things. Ann VosKamp


"The secret to life is to put yourself in the right lighting. For some it’s a Broadway spotlight, for others, a lamplit desk."Susan Cain

Lately, I have had some incredible run-ins (if you will) with women. I have the best friends a girl could ask for but I determined that there are certain things about a woman that makes me appreciate her.

She says blouse instead of shirt.
She mothers her children, above her work.
She can read between the lines and is intelligent where it  matters most.
She can appreciate a good handbag.
She can sense urgency without having to be told.
She does nothing out of spite.
She is passionate about what she does, and what she stands for.
She knows her worth, and doesn’t ask for attention.
She knows the difference between good and well.
She knows when enough is enough.
She respects herself as well as other women, and behaves accordingly.

I was lucky enough to be raised by a perfect example of what a “woman” should be. Whether it’s who I should be to my someday husband or to my family or friends. This may seem like a “what the hell is she talking about” blog but I think it’s quite alright to appreciate the little things. For those women, I am thankful.

45seconds


I hate that Kanye is even a part of the song that’s been in my head for days. I am not even certain what “wildin” means and I am almost certain that I don’t do it. But if I am going to be stuck inside any longer I just might…

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